That Vicious Red Wine

Well, it wasn’t that vicious but was a bit tart. I very rarely drink wine, the taste just isn’t there for me. It’s apparently an acquired taste as is beer, and at a (regardless of) a high fifteen percent alcohol content it doesn’t deliver that relaxing effect I like. Back to beer! In a different vein, I am considering going back to work but only on my terms. If I’m not given the specific hours I prefer then OK. No worries.

At this time in my life, work is gratefully an option.  I can be choosey! I’m going to drop off a note to the manager of a large retail chain tomorrow which contains some information he requested after filling out my online job application. I had stopped by this business yesterday regarding their damned shopping carts that are continually left outside my apartment.

He will be looking into this. Those damned carts cost corporate eighty four dollars a pop! He was unaware of this issue and was grateful for the information. This is a net loss for the corporation in terms of dollars and cents, and to top this off, I witnessed some stupid dipstick tossing one into the dumpster yesterday, directly after, the big blue garbage truck came and tossed it in the truck!

I really thought the trash dudes would have popped that cart out. Nope. Life is strange…

Riding Around The Valley Today

Here are several photos from my ride toward the north end of Las Vegas Valley today. I drove to the church the my now ex and I attended with the intent of volunteering there, I may start that in a day or three. After leaving my last job about three months ago due to a verbally abusive employer, I wanted to start doing a bit of traveling.

After some deeper thought recently, it might be a better choice to spend my time contributing to the church and hopefully meet some nice people to develop friendships with. I was texting with the ex today, she started the volley with sending me a photo of her new office in the hospital she works at. She still works in the medical field which makes sense regarding her Masters Degree in the medical field.

I’m sincerely happy for her, she’s not lazy, rather a damned hard worker, and has always been driven to succeed. We are friends and still care about what happens to each other, even from a great distance.

She’s in basically the same situation I am in terms of friendships though. She’s too busy, and I’ve chosen for the last year since the divorce began (been a full year this month) to refrain from most interactions with people, not referring to friendship. I’m a serious loner at heart, being alone isn’t terribly difficult for me but yet not easy.

Having been through two previous divorces, I knew all too well about the waves of emotions and inner turmoil that were rolling my way. An emotional Tsunami. that helped me through the grieving process greatly, and knowing that for me, it would be around one year’s time before I would be ready for any kind of interaction if that makes sense. I’m complicated on the inside, a wee bit chubby on the outside.

Knock me down, I roll right back up! I have no plans to leave Las Vegas. I’ve even thought about better days ahead financially when I can purchase a nice, small home for myself and what may come to that house in the future. I seem to be caught in a strange era of this life right now. Alone, yet so glad to live where I do. I sincerely believe that there are and will be really good things coming my in times to come.

Patience is still a virtue, it’s still true. Thanks for listening – I need to get this out…

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Let It Go

Scrolling through Twitter this afternoon I came across these words which really registered deep within me. I’m referring specifically to the last four years of my life. Without getting into details, suffice it to say that in leaving Michigan, I gave up a hell of a lot of really good things in my life in terms of residence and other things.

Enough on that. I left Michigan excited for the new life that my now ex wife and I had planned for. We rented an apartment and eventually purchased a very nice new home in the valley. We both made some really poor financial decisions, that shiny new home had to go before it put us in the poor house so to say. After a year on market, it sold.

Finally. The selling price went down – down – down until it finally sold, leaving us with a net loss. that really hurt. We rented a house several miles away from that house. I still drive past it frequently as it’s not far from my residence. That is just one of several things I’ve had to learn to file away in my brain to deal with.

That rental home is the size we should have purchased. It was one hell of a shock when I got the text. That cheesy text informing me that the ex wanted out of our marriage. So cheesy. No balls eh? No pun intended but to text rather than call me? She had been basically living in another state for a while now, helping her sister set up a pain clinic.

Sister is a doctor. At one point, ex asked me if I would consider moving to that state. I said hell no, we just moved to Las Vegas! Also taking into account the things I basically left behind to be in Las Vegas. What a ludicrous question that was. Honestly, I never saw the Tsunami heading toward me. I loved her so dearly. But I was alone in that love.

I did the filing for the divorce. I chose well as this woman attorney knew the game and knew it very well. It’s been almost exactly one year now since those final papers were signed and filed away in my file cabinet. Having lived alone for so much of my life, the transition to the bachelor life wasn’t difficult for me really.

What was difficult were those early days directly after the Tsunami had passed. The crying in bed. The crying when driving. An emotional hurricane. I would rather deal with the pain of broken bones than navigate through the twisted maze of high and low emotional states like that ever again. Hence, Me, Myself and I have agreed to remain single for what time God has left for me on Earth.

It’s not worth it to me. Third marriage, third strike. I’m out but not beaten. A few weeks after this high and low bullshit in my head, I came to the realisation that I was allowing the nonsense to beat me. Beat me down. One day I decided to put an end to the bullshit. I decided I’d better man-up. And that I did. I found a job and stayed busy.

Some of you are aware that I kicked that job to the curb after nearly one year due to one of my two bosses being an abusive piece of shit. More than ten years my junior, and me having more life experience with a good dose of self respect and dignity, I signed that resignation paper and hit the road. That felt good.

In a broad sense, my life has improved. No more bully at the job. And my finances are recovering nicely as well, hence I was able to purchase the beautiful new pickup truck a short while back. Money is a bit tight but I’m much better at budgeting than the ex was, but that’s another post of it’s own. My life is better today. Again, I didn’t see this coming.

Nah, I’m not blind. But love cost me a lot. Too much. Your Johnson isn’t good at making the jillions (not a typo) of decisions that one needs to make each and every day of one’s life. Am I lonely? Oh hell yes, some days are down right tough. I’m alone here, no family or friends, just acquaintances. It’s a lonely road to travel, but I’ve begun to travel it well.

Those words in the screen print I took on the iPad today really, truly resonate with me deeply. I’v had similar thoughts recently actually, to what that little image says. I guess that’s why it struck me so deeply. I’ve already begun to let go of what I thought this life held for me, and am accepting it as it is today. And I am blessed. Truly blessed.

By the way, I left the author of the image with her photo to giver her the image credit.