Let It Go

Scrolling through Twitter this afternoon I came across these words which really registered deep within me. I’m referring specifically to the last four years of my life. Without getting into details, suffice it to say that in leaving Michigan, I gave up a hell of a lot of really good things in my life in terms of residence and other things.

Enough on that. I left Michigan excited for the new life that my now ex wife and I had planned for. We rented an apartment and eventually purchased a very nice new home in the valley. We both made some really poor financial decisions, that shiny new home had to go before it put us in the poor house so to say. After a year on market, it sold.

Finally. The selling price went down – down – down until it finally sold, leaving us with a net loss. that really hurt. We rented a house several miles away from that house. I still drive past it frequently as it’s not far from my residence. That is just one of several things I’ve had to learn to file away in my brain to deal with.

That rental home is the size we should have purchased. It was one hell of a shock when I got the text. That cheesy text informing me that the ex wanted out of our marriage. So cheesy. No balls eh? No pun intended but to text rather than call me? She had been basically living in another state for a while now, helping her sister set up a pain clinic.

Sister is a doctor. At one point, ex asked me if I would consider moving to that state. I said hell no, we just moved to Las Vegas! Also taking into account the things I basically left behind to be in Las Vegas. What a ludicrous question that was. Honestly, I never saw the Tsunami heading toward me. I loved her so dearly. But I was alone in that love.

I did the filing for the divorce. I chose well as this woman attorney knew the game and knew it very well. It’s been almost exactly one year now since those final papers were signed and filed away in my file cabinet. Having lived alone for so much of my life, the transition to the bachelor life wasn’t difficult for me really.

What was difficult were those early days directly after the Tsunami had passed. The crying in bed. The crying when driving. An emotional hurricane. I would rather deal with the pain of broken bones than navigate through the twisted maze of high and low emotional states like that ever again. Hence, Me, Myself and I have agreed to remain single for what time God has left for me on Earth.

It’s not worth it to me. Third marriage, third strike. I’m out but not beaten. A few weeks after this high and low bullshit in my head, I came to the realisation that I was allowing the nonsense to beat me. Beat me down. One day I decided to put an end to the bullshit. I decided I’d better man-up. And that I did. I found a job and stayed busy.

Some of you are aware that I kicked that job to the curb after nearly one year due to one of my two bosses being an abusive piece of shit. More than ten years my junior, and me having more life experience with a good dose of self respect and dignity, I signed that resignation paper and hit the road. That felt good.

In a broad sense, my life has improved. No more bully at the job. And my finances are recovering nicely as well, hence I was able to purchase the beautiful new pickup truck a short while back. Money is a bit tight but I’m much better at budgeting than the ex was, but that’s another post of it’s own. My life is better today. Again, I didn’t see this coming.

Nah, I’m not blind. But love cost me a lot. Too much. Your Johnson isn’t good at making the jillions (not a typo) of decisions that one needs to make each and every day of one’s life. Am I lonely? Oh hell yes, some days are down right tough. I’m alone here, no family or friends, just acquaintances. It’s a lonely road to travel, but I’ve begun to travel it well.

Those words in the screen print I took on the iPad today really, truly resonate with me deeply. I’v had similar thoughts recently actually, to what that little image says. I guess that’s why it struck me so deeply. I’ve already begun to let go of what I thought this life held for me, and am accepting it as it is today. And I am blessed. Truly blessed.

By the way, I left the author of the image with her photo to giver her the image credit.